Meal Time Makes Me Snarky

I have come to hate meal times at my house.   I don’t mind cooking, actually I kind of enjoy it.  What I hate is the way my children descend upon me like a pack of hungry velociraptors whenever there is food involved.  They beg, screech, scratch, and claw at me as though I haven’t fed them in a week.  It makes me snarky.

Breakfast is the worst for three reasons:  1.  I’m still tired because it’s too early.  2.  My kids are their hungriest.  3.  I’m hungry.  (Being hungry tends to make us all  snarky.)

In the morning, as soon as they get up, the two older girls ask for dry Cheerios.  They whine and complain and cry like banshees until I get their little bowls to them.   Meanwhile, I’m in the kitchen yelling at them to stop yelling because I’m moving as fast as I can.  Really, it takes me less than a minute to get them their cereal.  They eat these on the couch in front of the television while I try to wake up.   They’re happy, but I’ve already entered the realm of snarkiness.

Then it’s time to head to the kitchen for actual breakfast.  I announce what we’re having.   Eggs, oatmeal, cereal with milk, toast, bagel, or yogurt with fruit depending on how lazy and snarky I am.  Immediately, someone complains.  They don’t want what I’m making.  They want something else.  I either stand firm and say no, which results in screaming and yelling, or cave in and make two different breakfasts.  Actually, three since I have to make Penny’s too.

During this time, Penny, who I have sat in her highchair, becomes snarky and starts to cry and scream because she’s hungry too and is tired of waiting for me to finish making two breakfasts.  So now I’m extra snarky due to the encroaching headache from the baby screaming.  I finally get something in front of the older two, shovel a spoonful of mush into Penny’s mouth and there is quiet.

For exactly fifteen seconds when whoever got what I was originally making for breakfast decides she wants what the other one has too.  Now I’m super snarky.  I have to make a third breakfast.    Then, big surprise, the one who wanted the different breakfast decides she wants what I originally was planning on making.  On to making breakfast number four.

I’m running back and forth in our kitchen, shoveling food at Penny as I pass to keep her quiet.  Inevitably something gets spilled or dropped on the floor and I have to clean that mess up.

Then it’s over.  The two big girls finish breakfast, leaving over half of each of their two breakfasts untouched and I’m left to clean up the mess.  I just get snarkier as I throw out all that good food.  I would eat it myself, but part of their finishing eating involves mixing their two breakfasts into one disgusting, inedible pile of grossness and smearing it on the table.

I start cleaning up and Penny starts fussing because she’s still in her high chair.  I can’t let her out because there is too much food on the floor and she’ll eat it if given half a chance.  So I clean as fast as I can, listening to her escalating cries, and yelling at the big girls to stop fighting or whatever they’re doing.  Finally, I can get her out of the high chair and go to get her dressed.

You may have noticed, me eating breakfast is not part of this routine.  About four days a week I manage to actually eat breakfast, usually an hour or so after everyone else.  No wonder I’m so snarky.

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14 Responses to “Meal Time Makes Me Snarky”

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  1. Madison Hill
    Twitter: masterchandler

    Jessica i don’t know how you do it. ROFL ROFL. Sorry, I know at this very moment you are probably feeling snarky. lol My son is now 12, however, he learned at a very very very young age that mommy is dangerous before her first cup of coffee lol. He now warns people to stay away from me before I am finished.

    Jeez, 4 breakfasts! I do believe you need to hire a live in chef if at all possible. lol

  2. ana @ iMadeItSo
    Twitter: imadeitso

    mornings are hard. the only thing i’ve found that helps is getting up well before they do (i know i know! and i’m *not* a morning person) so that i can have a bit to eat, in peace…and the coffee can at least start kicking in by the time the rest of the house (and everyone’s needs and requests and duties and errands) start piling up on me :)

    but oh yes, i hear you.

    • Jessica Anne says:

      I know, I really do need to start getting up before them. I used to be a morning person, but after #3 I just want to sleep, all. the. time. :)

  3. Leslie
    Twitter: crunchybetty

    Seriously, my only thought after reading all this is that you are a true superwoman, snarky or not. Actually, that is your SuperFriends name. You are Snark. And your super power is making breakfast for three girls without beating a single one.

    It is an honor to meet you. Now make me breakfast.

    • Jessica Anne says:

      Lol! I love being Snark! I was thinking maybe I could throw food at them to calm them down. But then, I think that should be your superpower, throwing food at people to turn them beautiful.

  4. Oh man. Nothing drives me crazier than the, “I want what so and so is eating” when they perfectly good food in front of them. I’d get snarky too if it weren’t my default setting.

    • Jessica Anne says:

      I just don’t understand why they can’t just eat whatever I put in front of them without complaining. Apparently early morning snarkiness is hereditary.

  5. Emily
    Twitter: getlostwithlynn

    Oh my goodness, you must surely be a saint to put up with all that! I have a hard enough time dealing with 1 toddler, my hubby, and 2 weiner dogs. Good for you!

  6. Natalie
    Twitter: mommyofamonster

    Wait! Is this what I have to look forward to when the twins get older and all three of the kids are demanding food?

    I’m snarky now.

    Thanks for linking up!

  7. liz
    Twitter: bellebeandog

    Breakfast time is just a snarky time of the day, I suppose! For me, it’s before coffee time that I am the snarkiest.