This is a piece I’ve been thinking about lately, so I thought it would serve as a good introduction to me and where my writing is taking me right now. I’ve been doing a lot of my writing lately off line, but I’m looking for an online community to help me grow.
Those Eyes
Maggie stood in front of the painting, holding a flute of champagne. A little girl stared back at her, stringy hair clinging to her face, bare shoulders, and protruding clavicle. In muted grays, blues, and purples, the little girl appeared faded. Except those eyes. Maggie couldn’t stop looking at them. They were hazel with flecks of gold, so alive, as though they could see her.
A hand touched the small of her back and she startled, splashing champagne on the floor.
“Do you like it,” a deep voice whispered close to her ear.
Maggie turned to see a tall man with well coifed dark hair, piercing blue eyes, and a strong chin smiling at her. She gasped. Tom Morgan, the artist, was talking to her.
“I love it,” she gushed. “Her eyes, they’re so, so real. Really beautiful. Your work is amazing.”
“Thank you,” he said with a slight upturn of his mouth. “I’m Tom, but I believe you already know that. What’s your name?”
“Maggie, Maggie Downs.”
“Well, Maggie Downs, would you mind if I accompanied you around for a while. I enjoy seeing how other people, especially beautiful women, experience my paintings.”
Maggie blushed and took a sip of champagne.
“I would love it,” she said.
They turned away from the painting. Maggie looked around the gallery. There had been a good turn out tonight. People stood, mostly as couples, looking at the paintings. Waiters wove masterfully between people with trays of champagne glasses and hors d’oeuvres. Clinking glasses and hushed voices were the only noise.
Those eyes stared at her from all over. Every painting in the exhibit was the same girl. All done in the same muted tones with the exception of the eyes, those haunting eyes.
He guided her to a painting where the girl sat with her arms wrapped around her bent knees. Her head rested on her knees, hair spilling down her shins. She stared at Maggie.
Tom watched her taking in the painting. She walked from one side to the other, looking at it from all angles.
“Just amazing. Those eyes, I just can’t get over them. They’re like photographs,” she said.
“I think the eyes are the most telling feature of a person,” he said. “What do her eyes say to you?”
“She looks sad, lonely maybe? And so old. She’s an old soul, I think.”
Tom smiled. “Yes, I think so too. Children often know more of the world than adults give them credit for.”
He led her to another painting. In this one, she stood in silhouette, a gauzy dress hung straight to her knees. Her head was bent down. She glanced sideways, eyes soft and dreamy.
“I’ve been to your other exhibits,” Maggie said. “In fact, I own a couple of your other paintings. I have one of the blue eyed girl and one of the green eyed girl.”
“I know,” he said. “I’ve seen you before. I just haven’t had the nerve to talk to you until tonight.”
She blushed again, playing with the thin gold chain around her neck.
“You always have just one girl,” she said. “Do you know them? Your subjects, I mean.”
“No,” he said. “They’re not real. Just figments of my imagination.”
He led her to another painting. In this one she stood with her arms across her chest, looking straight ahead, eyes slit a little.
“She looks angry with you here,” Maggie said.
Tom laughed.
“She is. Sometimes they get angry with me. I’m painting and I can tell they’re angry with something I’ve done. I don’t know what it is, but I see their anger,” he said. “You must think it’s strange that my imaginary subjects have emotions.” He looked down at his feet.
“Not at all,” she said quickly. “You must spend hours focusing on them, drawing them, painting them. I can imagine how they would seem real after a while.”
Maggie took a step closer to him. She could smell his soap and feel the warmth of his skin. She looked into his eyes.
Suddenly, glass shattered and people screamed. A black sedan crashed through the plate glass window of the gallery, careening into the middle of the room before coming to a stop.
Tom dashed toward the car. Maggie followed as fast as she could in her black stilettos.
The driver’s door opened and out stepped a little girl.
Tom ran up to her and tried to wrap her in his jacket.
“No!” she screamed. “Someone help me!”
She pushed and punched at Tom, arms flailing.
Maggie ran up and grabbed her arms. The girl fell into her, sobbing, almost knocking Maggie off her feet.
“Hush, hush,” Maggie said, smoothing her dirty hair and holding her close. “Are you okay? What happened?”
The girl pulled back a little and wiped her face with her hands. She looked up and Maggie saw those eyes staring at her.
*This story was originally written as a prompt for The Red Dress Club.
Great dialogue. The dialogue flowed well and was intriguing. And you left the reader disturbed about what is going on with that little girl!
http://www.pampersandpinot.com
Thanks! Glad the dialouge worked, it’s not my favorite to write.
I absolutely love this! Will you continue it?
Smee´s last post ..Red Writing Hood Meme- Dramatic Entrance
I think so. I thought it was going to be complete when I started, but when I finished, I felt like there was definitely more.
Twitter: angeliasims
says:
Love the way the prompt was the ending. I, too, enjoyed the dialogue. It was very smooth and really captured my attention. Great cliff hanger ending too. :-)
Angelia Sims´s last post ..A Flash of Red
Thanks so much! I had a hard time with this until I decided to make the prompt the ending.
Twitter: hlkemper
says:
Wow… great dialogue I agree. Really enjoyed reading this piece! great job.
HisBell´s last post ..A Girl On a Mission
Thanks!
Twitter: poopscoopinmama
says:
Nice!! The girl from the painting comes to life. I am SO interested in finding out what happens to her and who she is. I hope you continue this.
I think I will. There are the other girls too, I kind of want to see where it goes myself. :)
Twitter: flgirlmidwest
says:
How mysterious! So I am left wondering, who is the girl and what is her relationship to the artist? Good cliffhanger.
Stopping by from the red dress club.
Thanks so much!
Twitter: AKnLAbird
says:
This was great! I want to know what happens next!!!
Ashley´s last post ..Inside My Closet
Me too. I guess I’ll have to keep writing. :)
Twitter: AwayWeGoNancy
says:
This works. It speaks to the ease of the truly evil to appear perfectly normal. Love it.
Nancy C´s last post ..Red Writing Hood- Quite the Conversation Piece
Yep, Tom is just an evil man.
Twitter: smellykellie
says:
Love it! I was so involved in Maggie and Tom I forgot about the car crashing through the window. In fact for a moment I was disappointed they were interupted. Great story!!
Ha Ha! Thanks! I just realized when I saw their names written, that’s the names of my parent’s neighbors. Oops, might have to change that.
Twitter: mayangelstar
says:
Great job! Loved the ending. I felt as though the girl was trying to escape from him. Perhaps he actually used kidnapped models?!
Veronica´s last post ..Abandoned
Exactly my intent.
Twitter: readygogetset
says:
ooooh, me likey! Now I want to know what happens next…
Thanks! I definitely want to write more of this one.
Oooohhhh!!! Very clever! This is really good. Very unusual twist on the theme and I just loved the ending. Makes me want to read more.
Aging Mommy´s last post ..You Capture Outside- At The Beach
Thanks! Glad you liked it. :)
Intriguing indeed. The dialogue flows so easily, it’s captivating!
Kerri´s last post ..Shell’s BFF!
Thanks very much!
Twitter: mommy_pants
says:
Okay, this was so creepy! Like, he said he was imagining the girls, and yet, they were real and pissed off. Is he keeping them captive or something? Or did I totally read too much into this? ;)
You’re not reading too much into it. That was my intent. And he is really a creepy guy. :)
Twitter: alabastercow
says:
oh i like that this disturbed me! i’m always fan of work that leaves a chill down my spine!
ericka @ alabaster cow´s last post ..a story
Thanks! Glad you found it disturbing. :)
Twitter: TamingInsanity
says:
Unfair! Tell me what happens next! I must know…
KLZ´s last post ..Mishap Week- Locked Out
I let you know when I figure it out. :)
Twitter: litasworld
says:
WOW! I want to read more now…more, more, more. The way you write is amazing, I can see the whole scene and I feel like I can see those eyes. I hope you’ll continue the story!
Jen at LitasWorld´s last post ..Green Tip Tuesday – The Scented Room
Thanks! I do think there’s more to this story. Now to make time to write it.
Twitter: knzus
says:
Arrrrg! Yeah, that’s right… leave us all wondering! LOL!
AWESOME writing, as always! Can hardly wait to see what happens with this one next!
♥
Diana´s last post ..hummingbirds
Yay! Good to see you back. :)
WOW! what a way to introduce yourself to Story Dam!
I can’t wait to read what you have in store for some of our prompts :)
Thanks! Looking forward to the prompts and getting to know everyone, :)
Twitter: StoryDam
says:
Whoa! Chills… big time chills… welcome to Story Dam!
I knew it was going somewhere crazy, but that was outstanding!
I second Brandi, I can’t wait to see what else you have in store!
Thanks! Looking forward to getting involved with the community!
Twitter: bridgetstraub
says:
Somehow I knew the littlegirl was real, but I didn’t expect that ending. Was she driving the car herself? It’s very interseting. I look forward to reading more and getting to know you through Story Dam.
Wow! I got chills. I sort of figured that the girls were real but I still got chills. Can’t wait to read more from you!
Nicole DeZarn´s last post ..22 Things I Have Done
Twitter: poopscoopinmama
says:
I remember this prompt. In fact, it has inspired my Weathered WIP too. Haha. This is looking REALLY REALLY good. I definitely want to know more!!
I need an email subscription button, so I can read you regularly, darling. I miss you.
The Drama Mama´s last post ..A Hot Shower & a Cup of Joe