Failing Hostess

I don’t have a lot of guests over to my house. Most of the people who do occasionally come by are relatives.  But when I do have guests, I try to do the hostess-y things to make my home ready for guests.

I clean the house. If it’s not cleaning day, I make sure the bathrooms, floors, and kitchen are clean with a good wipe down and vacuum. Nothing worse than a dirty bathroom or kitchen when you’re in someone else’s house. Gross.

I clean the litterbox close to their arrival and open windows to let the house air out a little. A smelly house, particularly a litterbox smelly house, is no good.

I do my best to get the toys off the ground so there is actually room to walk without breaking an ankle.

I put fresh towels in the bathroom and kitchen. I make sure the laundry baskets are hidden out in the garage and not on the coffee table where they usually live.

If I know my guests aren’t accustomed to animals, or if there are going to be small children, I put the dog in her crate. She can be a little weird around new people and a little rambunctious. No one likes their kid being knocked over because a fifty pound dog decided she should barrel straight into their chests.

I feel pretty well prepared. But, like everything else in my life, I always forget one thing. In the case of guests, it would be telling them where the toilet paper is located.

You see, most people keep their TP in the dispenser thing next to the toilet. An obvious choice.

But, picture this. You’re a guest at my house. You need to use the restroom. I direct you to my nice, clean bathroom, graciously. You enter. You’re amazed by the shine of the counters and the overall cleanliness. You go about your business. Time for some TP. You look to the wall, and you see this.


Empty TP dispenser


Note, there’s not an empty roll, there’s not one of those things you stick the TP on. Nope. It’s completely empty. You can imagine, you’d be in a conundrum right about now. You’d probably look behind you on the top of the toilet. Nope, it’s not there either.

Now, you know you’re sitting there, wondering what to do. Do you air dry? Do you call for me? Do you use one of the towels hanging on the rack? I mean, what kind of mad house is this with no sign of toilet paper anywhere? It’s becoming clear to you that three small children does, indeed, drive one crazy.

So, as a PSA, if you ever find yourself in my house, I will clue you in to the location of the toilet paper.

If you’re in the “master” bathroom, also known as the closet with a toilet, you could probably find it without too much trouble. It’s located on the counter next to the sink.

If, however, you’re in the girls’ bathroom, you’re going to have to work for it a little. I’m more likely to send you to this bathroom because it’s roomier and  I won’t have to worry about having a guest have a clausterphobic attack in the bathroom. You know, because I’m an awesome hostess.

So, what you’ll have to do is look up, directly over your head, and you will see this.


On the very top of the towel rack, over your head, is the TP.  Now, you’re going to have to stand up to reach it. The shelf is about six feet off the ground.  But, it is there, I promise.

Why do I always make this faux pas? Why do I always forget to mention the secret TP location? Because it’s normal for me. You see, since we’ve had a walking child in the house, we’ve had the same problem.  If the TP is within reach, this happens:




I imagine the day when I can again use the toilet paper dispenser without my house being covered in TP.  Hopefully it will be before they’re all teenagers and I have to hide the TP so they can’t use it to decorate trees.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

About Jessica Anne

6 Responses to “Failing Hostess”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli
    Twitter: kristinglas

    I love it here! Especially the old style typewriter font.

    Hear you about the TP. I think we are over it. I hope.

  2. Elizabeth Flora Ross
    Twitter: efloraross

    LMAO! Not only would a guest in my home have the same problem, he or she would have other obstacles to overcome simply to use the bathroom. We used to keep the safety lock on the door handle locked, AND there was a lock on the toilet. Now we have a training seat on top of the regular toilet in our powder room, and a step stool right under it so our toddler can get up there. She’s potty training right now. Depending on the guest, we sometimes like to say nothing in warning, and see what they do. LOL

    • Jessica Anne says:

      Ha! We used to have the toilet locks, but the kids broke them. We have a mini-potty for our potty training girl, but soon, the training seat and stool will be there too. It’s such an ordeal to just use the restroom. :)
      Jessica Anne´s last post ..Failing Hostess

  3. NotJustAnotherJennifer
    Twitter: MidwestMomments

    LOL!!! So funny! Ours is under the sink, but with the childproof latch, so you have to not only get off the toilet, but squat. Fun times.
    NotJustAnotherJennifer´s last post ..Guest Post at The Lazy Christian