I don’t have a lot of guests over to my house. Most of the people who do occasionally come by are relatives. But when I do have guests, I try to do the hostess-y things to make my home ready for guests.
I clean the house. If it’s not cleaning day, I make sure the bathrooms, floors, and kitchen are clean with a good wipe down and vacuum. Nothing worse than a dirty bathroom or kitchen when you’re in someone else’s house. Gross.
I clean the litterbox close to their arrival and open windows to let the house air out a little. A smelly house, particularly a litterbox smelly house, is no good.
I do my best to get the toys off the ground so there is actually room to walk without breaking an ankle.
I put fresh towels in the bathroom and kitchen. I make sure the laundry baskets are hidden out in the garage and not on the coffee table where they usually live.
If I know my guests aren’t accustomed to animals, or if there are going to be small children, I put the dog in her crate. She can be a little weird around new people and a little rambunctious. No one likes their kid being knocked over because a fifty pound dog decided she should barrel straight into their chests.
I feel pretty well prepared. But, like everything else in my life, I always forget one thing. In the case of guests, it would be telling them where the toilet paper is located.
You see, most people keep their TP in the dispenser thing next to the toilet. An obvious choice.
But, picture this. You’re a guest at my house. You need to use the restroom. I direct you to my nice, clean bathroom, graciously. You enter. You’re amazed by the shine of the counters and the overall cleanliness. You go about your business. Time for some TP. You look to the wall, and you see this.
Note, there’s not an empty roll, there’s not one of those things you stick the TP on. Nope. It’s completely empty. You can imagine, you’d be in a conundrum right about now. You’d probably look behind you on the top of the toilet. Nope, it’s not there either.
Now, you know you’re sitting there, wondering what to do. Do you air dry? Do you call for me? Do you use one of the towels hanging on the rack? I mean, what kind of mad house is this with no sign of toilet paper anywhere? It’s becoming clear to you that three small children does, indeed, drive one crazy.
So, as a PSA, if you ever find yourself in my house, I will clue you in to the location of the toilet paper.
If you’re in the “master” bathroom, also known as the closet with a toilet, you could probably find it without too much trouble. It’s located on the counter next to the sink.
If, however, you’re in the girls’ bathroom, you’re going to have to work for it a little. I’m more likely to send you to this bathroom because it’s roomier and I won’t have to worry about having a guest have a clausterphobic attack in the bathroom. You know, because I’m an awesome hostess.
So, what you’ll have to do is look up, directly over your head, and you will see this.
On the very top of the towel rack, over your head, is the TP. Now, you’re going to have to stand up to reach it. The shelf is about six feet off the ground. But, it is there, I promise.
Why do I always make this faux pas? Why do I always forget to mention the secret TP location? Because it’s normal for me. You see, since we’ve had a walking child in the house, we’ve had the same problem. If the TP is within reach, this happens:
I imagine the day when I can again use the toilet paper dispenser without my house being covered in TP. Hopefully it will be before they’re all teenagers and I have to hide the TP so they can’t use it to decorate trees.